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| Life, it can be a little overwhelming.. or.. perhaps very overwhelming sometimes?
I currently feel a little(lot) lost. I feel like I can't find no middle ground to stand to feel a little worthy of my time.. living. I feel like i'm just a dead individual walking around with a presence that has no meaning. I feel so overwhelmed with the essentials of life and everything that comes with it, that I don't know what to do. For once, I can seriously give someone a cold shoulder and not give a rats ass. I know its selfish, evil, bitchy, cranky, etc.. but damn, I don't have the time of day to deal with anyone elses bullshit no more. I love everyone that i'm around.. and I love those people who are there for me.. and I know that I have no right to give these people the kind of shit that I do... but for some reason, I can't find it within myself to stop myself from doing the things that I shouldn't be doing at all. I used to put others feelings before mine, but now, I put my feelings before theirs.
I wish I could put it into words... on how I truly feel.. on how life is taking its toll on me.. at this current moment. But I can't. I can't word it the way I want to, so i'm just going to say it however and whatever, and if it helps me vent a little, it'll do.
I'm just truly... overwhelmed.. and exhausted.
I need guidance.  | | |
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Its five thirty in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't know why, but i'm up and not doing a single thing but just thinking. When you have a sleepless night, you end up thinking... thinking about things you shouldn't be thinking about.. thinking about things that worry you, things that you don't understand at all... and things that.. is the reason why you can't sleep. I'm at this point in life where.. i'm stuck and confused.. where it doesn't matter what I do, I just feel lost. And to top it off, my temper has been shorter than ever, I mean it was short before, but now... its so much worse. I can barely understand mmyself now.
Enh... i'm just.. lost.. and I really need to find my way.. to move forward on this.
That's all i've got... I have so much more to say.. but prefer not to elaborate tonight. I'll try to work on the elaboration on this issue... another night.. | | |
| There comes a point in your life when.. you just don't care anymore. As much as you want everything to work in your life, it seems that you are just drained out. Its like, the more you try to fix things---the worse they get. So, why does it matter so much for us to work things out? The old me would answer this with, because we care about the different individuals in our life and because we don't want to lose them over something... seriously.. ridiculous. This me that i'm feeling right now would reply, it doesn't matter much, just go with the flow.
Regardless of how I feel like right now.. though it is sort of bitter. I still feel a sense of sincerity. I still feel that I love my friends with all that I have, because they are amazing individuals. But sometimes, I think that the drift takes a toll on all of us. Some people don't notice it as much as I do, because (no, i'm not bragging) they're not as observant as I am, or maybe not observant.. just doesn't care as much as I do. Because friends are like my life, I take them seriously.. and I don't ever want to lose them to something so ridiculous, but right now my mind says otherwise. =/.
Okay, okay, after its all said and done. I know that when I zoom past this phase in my life. I know that I will still want them to be there. I would still wish to have those amazing friends that I do currently have.. and I would want to work things out and fix all that we have to go through in order to remain friends... and still feel as if though we're born into different families, we're still sisters at heart. | | |
| Mood: Nostalgic && SAD
People change.. friends change.. nothing's the same anymore.....
We are all bro ken and imperfect individuals in our own little ways.....
Everything has changed.... | | |
| Mood: Annoyed
 
Its been a few weeks since i've blogged. I have been planning to come on and blog about something.. to relieve some stress and some words that needs to be stripped off my chest, but I haven't had the time. But here I am now.. I have 40 minutes until class, so I thought i'd just drop by and give a few words! ^_^;;
This past weekend, I have learned that some friends will never learn to appreciate the patience, empathy, sympathy, or love you have for them. They do deserve a smack in the head for not realizing what kind of friends they have, but that isn't your problem, that's theirs.
So, I have decided that I am going distance myself from quite a few people or maybe I should say most people. Simply.. because, I don't have the patience for it anymore. I don't have the patience within me to make somethings work for people who don't even appreciate the compassion you are putting in. Do people seriously think that I have all the time in the world to deal with their problems and my own? Um, reality check, NO, I can barely stand on my own two feet anymore with my very own problems. People think I want to help them so bad? No, its simiply because I care! If I didn't give a damn about your stupid well-being, I wouldn't give a care in the f-ing world about you and your damn problems. But.. because.. I do have some heart in me, I ask about you and your problems, so that you wouldn't stress out, like someone like me!
But.. I am seriously going to stop caring so much about other people. I will learn how to be selfish about my own well-being and happiness(which probably won't happen, because everytime I try, it tends to backfire, but I will try)!
Family's a lifetime, friends are forever, and enemies are just experiments.
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